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My name is Bernice and I am a mom of 4 grown children, and nana to 8. Read more...

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You know you say YES too much if…

10 signs you say YES too much

Any of these things, or something similar may have applied to you:

  1. You are going to the grocery store at 10 pm to get ingredients make brownies for your child’s class tomorrow.
  2. You wake up at 4 am to clean house because you are hosting a bible study at your house this morning.
  3. You snap at your husband when he asks what’s for dinner when you have spent all afternoon cooking for a friend who just had a baby.
  4. Your 4 year old asks you to read a story and you tell her that you are “too busy” right now.
  5. You put off writing on your own blog because you have agreed to guest post for 3 other blogs this month.
  6. You are constantly checking your smart phone so you know the score of your daughter’s game, which you could not attend.
  7. You run all over town, multiple times, to find the “just right “ items for your son’s birthday party.
  8. You drop what you are doing, and run your teenager’s text book to them at school.
  9. You work frantically to get all your kid’s clothing tagged for a consignment sale that you signed up for 3 months ago, and drop-off is tomorrow.
  10. You forego a shower (and use lots of deodorant) to make sure your car is cleaned out because 3 ladies will be carpooling with you to a retreat this morning. (Not that I have ever done this one.)
Now, obviously, sometimes we have to do what we have to do. But aren’t there some situations when you COULD have said No instead of Yes? Would the world have come to an end if you did?

Many times we say Yes because we don’t want to disappoint someone. And that is understandable. Yet there should be a balance. You are not your child’s servant.

What would they think?

Another main reason we say Yes instead of No is because we care about what others think of us. We are concerned that we may not look like a good parent, or that we don’t love our kids as much if we don’t do “these things”. Typically, those thoughts and feelings are more subconscious, but they are there nonetheless.

I want to encourage you to lighten up a bit. For one thing, you are WAY more worried about how you seem than your friends actually are. They probably have their own insecurities on their mind.

For instance, you are worried about how your car may look to those who are riding with you, yet one of those ladies may have had a huge fight with her husband and is worried that her eyes are red and that every one will notice.

And another is self-conscious because her suitcase is older and worn and others may think less of her.

By being more comfortable in our own imperfection, we can be more empathetic with those around us. 

Remember this: We are our own worst critic. 

It is okay to say Yes. Just know why you are saying Yes, and do so if you have the time to do what is being asked, or if it is truly that important to you MAKE time to do it.

But don’t say Yes out of guilt, or out of embaressment. Life is too short.

What have you said Yes to that you wish you had not?

 

If you are struggling with overload and are overwhelmed with your life, consider my e-book:

15 comments to You know you say YES too much if…

  • I’m very guilty of so many of these, I suspect. I’m a yes gal. I’m trying to say no more often.

  • Thank you for sharing this. I am guilty of this alot. It’s something I have to daily work on. Have a wonderful day!

  • Oh my goodness, the one about not having dinner for my family because I spent all day cooking for someone else hit me hard. Thanks for this eye opener!

    • Sue

      When I cook a meal for another family I double it and cook the same meal for my family. That way I have a happy family at home. Also, I get my children to help with the cooking so they are invested in helping care for other people. I do not say “yes” as much as I used to and have a much more peaceful life! :^)

  • Some wise woman gave me this advice once:

    “Remember that NO is a complete sentence!”

    So often when we are very, very busy in our martyr-like fashion saying YES to others, it means that we keep saying NO to our own needs.

    Brilliant advice here – thank you!

  • Patti

    I have GREATLY improved about saying the “No” word…however, My new husband of 10 years keeps volunteering US to do things like babysitting for friends…which we all know means that he sits there and watches the children’s movies while I run after toddlers!! Then there is the inviting 20 or 30 people over for a dinner party BEFORE he even asks me! Slight problem is that I have a lot of medical problems, not to mention migraine headaches and not everyday or night is a good one.

    • Lauren

      Stop enabling him then. Don’t babysit with him – say “Oh it’s great that you’re babysitting – I needed to get some last minute grocery shopping done” and leave. Let HIM fix up the house and prepare the food when HE invites people over and you really can’t do much. Or just do small parts of it. He’ll wise up pretty soon. Check out a book from the library about boundaries and read it cover-to-cover.

  • Meg R

    It isn’t people I know that I have trouble saying NO to, its those door-to-door people who are trained to work me and I’m not prepared for it. I can’t seem to say No Thank you and close the door on them. I can on the phone, but standing right there in my face, forget it.

    Good stuff you write here,

    Meg

    • Lauren

      Pick a line. “I’m sorry, but I have to decline the offer. But thank you for dropping by!” Then turn into a BROKEN RECORD and literally repeat it for every question and excuse and “but wait” they have. Slowly start closing the door. “Have a great day!” :)

      I’m a receptionist and have to deal with pushy sales people ALL THE TIME. It’s super-annoying, but this really roadblocks them while still being courteous and nice. Just remember – you’re really the one in control!

  • Glory

    Sometimes the reasons for saying “No” should be considered. If they are selfish, then maybe you should think again about saying “Yes” instead of “No”. Is your reason for saying “yes” going to teach your children to be caring and loving and considerate of the needs of others inspite of having to put our own needs second? Then “Yes” might be a good thing rather than a “No” which might teach the opposite. On the other hand a “No” could also be a means of teaching a child that wants are not always needs and a little delayed gratification seldom hurts anyone. The reasons behind the “Yes” or “No” are the things that are important.

  • uggbootdiva

    I thought all of this stuff happened because i was too unorganised… maybe i am turning into my mother and doing too much…

  • Beth

    I constantly find myself being pulled in too many directions because I overbook my personal time and the rest of my life turns to squalor over it. Now I don’t say yes as much; I weigh the pros and cons and don’t make snap decisions. This has made things smoother. Now if I could calm the swirling vortex of entropy that is my house I would be all set.

  • Jo

    I personally relate to everyone here. So many times I have been pushed & pulled around. Have got so many people not respecting my boundaries. Now excluded from most social events & outcast as a result of setting them clear.

    My husband seems to organize something with someone/people & find myself guessing all to often.

  • Aw, this was an exceptionally nice post.
    Finding the time and actual effort to make a good article…
    but what can I say… I put things off a lot and don’t manage to get nearly anything done.
    sweet potato paleo recipes recently posted..sweet potato paleo recipesMy Profile

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